I owe my poor neglected blog an apology... I'm sorry I have been avoiding you.  There, I said it, I have been avoiding my blog.  In the two months since my last post much has happened - a wonderful tenth anniversary vacation (I even brought back one pound for every year as a souvenir - I take my vacationing seriously!), the catch-up that inevitably comes with vacation, unexpected visitors, the doctor and the dentist, the list continues but I won't bore you.  And the cherry on top of it all - BACK TO SCHOOL.  I knew it was coming, but I wasn't ready.  I never am.  I love school, my son loves school, and my daughter can't wait to start school - but I really dislike the schedule.  

I've never been one for the regular 9 to 5 work day.  I work for myself (most of the time) so I can have the flexibility I need for my family.  I like projects - things I work really hard on for a time, finish, and move on... the school schedule doesn't really gel with my no schedule, schedule.  It always takes me a few weeks to get back into the school groove.  Why I thought this year would be different, I don't know.

This year I was planning to use back to school as the starting point to shed the extra luggage I packed on vacation - get back into my exercise program and back on track with my eating plan.   Well, school has been in session for one month exactly, and I have not lost an ounce or broken a sweat in all this time.  I have been struggling to get into a routine, to balance my work, my kids, the never-ending laundry, and all the things that seem to click along so well during the summer (and all the things that every other mom has to deal with, so suck it up already).  But today the struggle is over, I tell you!

Today I blog!  I have been avoiding the blog because I didn't have any kind of success story to share.  Why would I post something that didn't show any progress on my "project" - who would care about that?  Well, probably no one, but that's not the point.  The point of my writing is to hold myself accountable, to work through whatever is keeping me from my goal.  Avoidance is keeping me from my goal; it's very effective at making sure nothing happens - good or bad.   I fancy myself a bit of a risk taker, and I'd like to think avoidance is not my usual M.O. - but  I'd be wrong about that.

I avoid things that I assume will be unpleasant, even if they are necessary or required.  Eventually I do whatever it is I'm avoiding, and often the relief that follows is incredible.  But the build up to doing the thing is a ridiculous, guilt inducing, waste of time and energy.  So there you have it - I am avoiding the blog because the only thing I have to write about is how I gained ten pounds on vacation, my jeans are screaming in protest, I can't get motivated to do anything about it, and I am using "back to school" and a busy schedule to excuse it all.  

That wasn't so bad now, was it?  

Tina
9/17/2012 02:32:24 pm

Oh , you too? Phew, I'm not alone.. thanks for being out there putting it in words.. perhaps your words are the elusive variable that will kick me into gear... big hug to you ! xo

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Cari Zawodny
9/17/2012 04:00:35 pm

Tina! You write the nicest comments. Thank you for always being so supportive!

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Jenny
9/17/2012 11:47:21 pm

It is often the anticipation of the thing that is worse than the thing itself. And in some ways, I think the fear of success is almost as bad as the fear of failure. What will we have to worry over if we actually achieve our goals? Also, we find comfort in staying the way we are. It's such a huge challenge to shift behaviour and mindset; I struggle with this all the time. I sometimes think we self-sabotage, or at the very least procrastinate, for this reason. Well done for getting this out there!

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Cari
9/18/2012 08:18:07 am

Thank you, Jenny - I couldn't agree more. Fear of success is something I've thought a lot about - for the reasons you mentioned (what else will we have to worry about and fear of the unknown), but also fear of rejection. It would be awful to reach your goal only to find the reaction from others isn't what you expected. I think this is especially true with weight loss - what if you lose the weight and everything isn't suddenly perfect? Then instead of having the weight to blame you have to look deeper - and THAT is scary!

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